Zachariah The Kid was relaxing in Phuket, chewing tobacco and shooting beer bottles off a wall. It kept his itchy fingers busy and he laughed madly as the bottles exploded into smithereens. He was twitching like the trigger on a gun from a sugar rush off his piña colada.
Somewhere else, his nemesis, the town marshal, and the wily coyote who has worn the Whyte hat for a dozen years, was smoking one of his favorite cigars and following the smoke rings thinking, “Rumors of my death have been wildly exaggerated.”
He then smiled a knowing smile and poured himself a cold Sauvignon Blanc while The Kid arranged another dozen beer bottles on the wall and kept his itchy middle finger busy by shooting down more of them and chewed a few others with his teeth and spat them out while his Momma watched on proudly. He screamed out, “Yeeeeehaaa!” and vultures cowered in fear and others dropped dead.
Meanwhile in their homeland, the other gunslingers were breathing a sigh of relief. Not having the maniacal Kid and the calm, cool and detached town marshal around whom they called Whytey meant that there was no one around to stop them from going wild and showing that they were no ornery bit players in a tinpot horse opera.
The townsfolk of Hong Kong came out in droves on a cool, sunny day in Shatin, disappointed that their heroes were not around, but also excited to see who might be coming up the ranks to take on The Kid and Whitey.
Could it be Moody Matty or The Hobbit. Asked about his chances for the day, Moody Matty was his usual talkative self and answered, “Yeah”. The Hobbit was his usual eloquent self: “Well, from an oblique point of view and dependent on the fragility of the track….”. He was then cut off in his prime.
Meanwhile, could this be the day for Ollie The Frenchie or The Swordsman to shine? It had been ages since Frenchie had shone.
Or could it be the day of The Duckman or Long Tye Shorty, Black Bart Brett or Wayward Marwing or maybe that critter with the very high pitched voice called Canny Callan, below, pictured shining his new balls?
The Three Amigos- Slim, Pickens and Gopher- took their seats and whistled The Best Of Ennio Morricone’s hits in perfect unison to their audience waiting to spread the news of the day while Miss Jenny nervously walked around the paddock checking to see who looked the fittest and had the best backsides, always be careful to make sure that the big lug Long Tye Shorty didn’t walk all over her with his huge boots.
After all that, the little-known but hard working Yin Tong Kid- Jacky Tong- easily won the first race- a Class 5 event over 1000 metres on Bold Tack at 26s leaving the rest of the pack in its wake.
The townsfolk yawned and yearned for Zachariah The Kid and Whitey. Was this the start of Tombstone Blues and were they just Knocking On Heaven’s Door like a Dylan dirge? Mama, take these guns off a me, I can’t shoot them, anymore. Okay?
The Hobbit struck in Race 2 with first starter Braveness for Deputy Dawg Fownes who, I think, was stuck in Perth.
It was The Hobbit’s 19th winner of the season who made it 20 by winning the next race and which he waxed lyrical about the night before to Amigo Gopher on their racing program. As for the avalanche of money poured onto Frenchie’s ride- Peaceful Mission- well, it ended up in the outhouse.
Two of The Three Amigos started whistling Ennio Morricone hits again while the other one went to wash his stained tie- eeeeew- while Miss Jenny went searching for nuggety types. She was searching for nuggets all day and talking about Long Tye Shorty covering his arse.
As sunset over Shatin, The Hobbit had the Jockey Challenge in the bag and some other gunslingers had hit the bull’s-eye- even that hard working cowboy Fast Eddie Lai. Frenchie was shooting blanks again until he woke up in the last race of the day and guided Richard “Tex” Gibson’s Mizani- a very good ride. Together with Gold Fun, Tex, below, and Jojo might have a very strong double-barreled hand to scream about come Derby time.
The townsfolk were woken up when martial arts actor Sammo Hung’s Amber Sky, the red hot fave in the day’s Cup race, seemed to be coasting until it found nothing there through a great ride by Long Tye Shorty on Go Baby Go.
It was more like Amber SHY when pressured and it became a shrinking violet. Sammo Hung, below after the race,and his mates were not shrinking. They looked prickly. And ornery hombres. Moody looked even more like a Moody Blue than ever.
In all the talk about The Kid and Whitey, never underestimate The Hobbit and Long Tye Shorty, pictured below. This duo is tighter than the Masked Man’s leotards and have their own silver bullets.
Back in Phuket, The Kid was taking a break from twitter and challenging everyone he met to a new finger fight he had created and was thinking of insuring his middle finger just as Kim Kardashian has bum.
Whitey was already back in Hong Kong sipping another Sauvignon Blanc and toasting Sammo Hung while getting into twitter and trying to figure out what RT and DM meant and what this had to do with riding winners and winning Championships.
Bring on next weekend when The Kid and Whitey are back and The Gunfight At The Ok Corral continues at High Noon.