MS CRYSTAL BALLS AND HER PREDICTIONS FOR THE 2013-2014 RACING SEASON

(Courtesy of http://www.fasttrack.hk)

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  1
(Source: Kryztoff)

* In an unusual move to unnerve Dougie Whyte, Zac Purton will adopt a very proper British accent and use words like chaps, cherrio, tally ho, scones, m’arm etc. When he passes Whyte in a race, he will wave- in a regal manner- and scream out, Toodle doo, old chap.

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  2
(Source: HKJC)

* We’ll get whacked for prodding Douglas Whyte in the tummy and saying, Oy, Tubbs, you’re putting on weight.

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  3
(Source: Racing Write)

* Tony Cruz finally sheds the Sixties James Brown-inspired pompadour for an Eighties Superfly-type ‘fro.

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  4
(Source: SCMP)

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  5
(Source: Shut King)

Tony Cruz: Before And After.

* After hosting simultaneous broadcasts last season sitting behind a Barbie table, this season will see Jo McKinnon doing her thing from inside a fully-furnished Barbie house.

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  6
(Source: Twitter)

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  7
(Source: TQN)

* The HKJC’s Racing Club guru Wally Pyrah will host his own late night talk show. There are no guests, no music, only Wally chatting about Wally. It will become a cult hit.

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  8
(Source: Poker Player)

* Trainer David “Darth Vader” Ferraris will throw a wobbly and blame all his owners for sudden hair loss.

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  9
(Source: One Plus Infinity)

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  10
(Source: SCMP)

* For some weird reason, Dougie Whyte will continue to ride Autumn Gold for Sean Woods. Punters will be delirious as Whyte on a Woods horse means one less bell to answer and one less horse to think about.

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  11
(Source: HKJC)

* Every Happy Wednesday, Jenny Chapman will appraise the fine fillies and mares at the Beer Garden and report on their strong legs, firm behinds, how some are always impeccably turned out while others might be roarers and snorters with stiff hind quarters.

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  12
(Source: Brisbane Racing)

* Sam The Tailor will design garish lederhosen as the new wardrobe for the The Three Amigos- hosts of cult classic Racing To Win.

To tart up the ‘look’ of the show, the threesome will be filmed against blue screen so that any visuals can be keyed in.

As heavy symbolism, visuals of trains going through tunnels, explosions, chimneys going off and waves crashing onto rocks will be constantly used.

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  13
(Source: Kino Cinema)

* Director of Racing Bill Nader will sing the China National Anthem a la the late Whitney Houston on International Day for which we’ll write some turgid lyrics in the vein of The Greatest Love Of All.

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  14
(Source: HKJC)

* Now-retired trainer and the Dorian Grey of racing- the very colorful Andy WT Leung- will re-apply for a trainer’s license after finding out he’s actually 52-years-young.

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  15
(Source: Next Media)

* In an unprecedented move, Chief Stipendary Steward Kim Kelly will suspend all jockeys. Trainers will have to ride their own horses. Sean Woods will be immediately suspended for weighing out eighty pounds over.

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  16
(Source: eBay)

David Ferraris will cop three months for erratic behavior at a Stewards Hearing and Caspar Fownes will be reprimanded for taking le pissoir outta fellow trainers.

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  17
(Source: SCMP)

* To jazz things up, former West Indian cricketer Michael Holding will call one Cup race on International Day. It will be a very long and laid back racecall.

* The Government will expect another $11 billion handout from the HKJC for doing absolutely bugger all.

MS CRYSTAL BALLS  18
(Source: Adsent Minded Oracle)

This entry was posted in casper fownes, DAVID FERRARIS, DOUGLAS WHYTE, HAPPY WEDNESDAY, Hong Kong Jockey Club, Hong Kong Racing, Horse Racing, JOHN MOORE, richard gibson, The horse racing industry, Tony Cruz, www.fasttrack.hk, zac purton and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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