In this week’s Racingb*tch SHORT CUTS: The iGai, Damian Lane and something stinks about WA racing

READY FOR THE iGAI APP?

iGAI 1

We had the honour recently of being invited to the workshop of that well-known Appster- horse racing’s answer to a hipster- Dr Denial, pictured below, who gave us an exclusive demonstration of his latest apps.

iGAI 2

One is the iGai, which he describes as the racing world’s first ‘Feel Good’ app, where, despite betting the house on a horse- for example, on Vancouver at Rosehill last Saturday, and losing everything in the process including the cat, dog, wife and self-worth- one can rise from the depths of misery by listening to the unbridled positivity of Lady GaiGai, who, as some in the American racing media reported recently, is “The Queen of Australia”.

iGAI 3

As has been heard time and time again, every horse Le Grande Dame of Oz racing trains, cannot lose- and even when they do lose- as did hotspots Woodbine, Countryman and Vancouver last Saturday- they are still winners. Dr Denial describes this as “Gai-itis”, a very rare trait to see the best in everything and to always drink from that half-full glass of Kool-aid.

iGAI 4

Having recorded sound bites by Lady GaiGai over the years, the good doctor has inserted these into his latest app, which can be played to soothe the savage beast when one gets that sinking feeling and thinks of heading for that dark place South of Hades. At the click of a button one can now be lifted over the line and put on the sunny side of the street with these truisms that are Gai-isms:

*That was FABULOUS! Even though it lost, it won. It was a FABULOUS run!”

iGAI 5

* That was an OUTSTANDING effort by the entire team. We lost, but we won!”

iGAI 6

* I’m thrilled to BITS! You’d never know he’d even RUN in a race! And what an AMAZING run to come fourth! How many other horses can do that? Right, Tommy? Agree with me, agree with me, agree with me! We need HAPPY owners- always, ALWAYS, we need HAPPY owners!”

iGAI 7

“I said to Robbie, did you SEE that? He absolutely CANED their backsides! Robbie was sleeping, but, believe me, he knew what I was saying! I LOVE it! We’re living the DREAM in this WIN WIN world!”

iGAI 8

“Jolly good show, Coolmore! LOVE your EVERYTHING!”

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“As I told my new American friends Ahmed and Justin Zayat, Robbie, Tom and I have so MUCH in common, we should go to San Francisco and have a lovely love-in! Wouldn’t that be absolutely STUNNING???! I could be Cleopatra to their American Pharoah! Eureka! What a BRILLIANT name for this new filly in the yard- CLEOPATRA!”

iGAI 10

The iGai app will be available for downloading on the first Tuesday of November. Are you just thrilled? To BITS?

iGAI 11

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LIFE IN THE FAST DAMIAN LANE

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LIFE IN THE FAST DAMIAN LANE 1

Sure, riding against Hong Kong’s United Nations of Racing- Moreira, Purton, Mosse, Whyte, Prebble, Callan etc- definitely improved him as a rider and, no doubt, helped broaden his horizons, but let’s not take anything away from young Damian Lane’s god-given talents. He might have ridden only four winners during his short stint in Hong Kong where getting on rides with winning chances were far and few between, but go back and watch his two excellent front-running winning rides aboard the John Moore-trained Chevalier Star.

LIFE IN THE FAST DAMIAN LANE 2

LIFE IN THE FAST DAMIAN LANE 3

Since returning to Oz, Damian Lane has hit the ground running with two four-timers and one of the best strike rates amongst Melbourne’s very strong jockey ranks. We’re not only tipping a big Spring Carnival for him- and for another young gun originally from WA in Chris Parnham- but also another stint in Hong Kong where he will receive solid support from the powerful John Moore stable. Watch this space.

LIFE IN THE FAST DAMIAN LANE 4

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INDUSTRY TUESDAY AND WHO AND WHAT’S HOLDING BACK RACING IN WESTERN AUSTRALIA

INDUSTRY TUESDAY 1

It’s called Industry Tuesday, and our only wish is that more knew about this segment on Perth’s racing radio show “The Big Breakfast”, a welcome respite from the tedium of Victoria’s relentlessly plodding racing radio station RSN, the increasingly insular and parochial ghost ship with its audience of The Dead People’s Society and the walking zombies, seen below.

INDUSTRY TUESDAY 2

Listening in to this week’s Industry Tuesday- everything one needs to know about the international world of horse racing with a very concise and informative segment from the always-professional Andrew Bensley- we were all ears listening to 18-year-old apprentice Chelsea Holder. Whatever the programme’s likeable hosts David Shortte and Ritchie Bell- they actually listen to their guests- threw her way, the young lady handled with a maturity that belied her age.

INDUSTRY TUESDAY 3

To a listener- and not only a racing fan- what she had to say was informative while begging the question as to why Western Australia seems to be almost gun-shy in promoting its racing and, especially, its riding talent- young guns riding there now like Lucy Warwick, those currently taking “the east” by storm- Damian Lane and Chris Parnham- and, of course, those long lines of riding greats to have emerged from one of our favourite places in the world led by Damien Oliver?

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It’s a documentary waiting to be produced. And, if and when those with their own well-known agendas holding back racing over there- must we actually “out” the biggest culprit other than saying a fish stinks from the head down?- are ridden out of town pronto, Kemo Sabay, racing in WA won’t be dismissed as an also-ran and the Rodney Dangerfield of Australian racing.

INDUSTRY TUESDAY 8

Racing in WA can be so much more than what it is today, especially with its close proximity to Singapore and Hong Kong. Let’s not get into the current link between racing in WA and that of the bookie-run Malaysia. But first, that big useless fish with also supposed longtime links to two big corporate bookmakers must be sent packing along with the doofus brigade doing the dance of the fairies around him.

INDUSTRY TUESDAY 9

This entry was posted in Australian horse racing industry, Gai Waterhouse, Horse Racing. Bookmark the permalink.

One Response to In this week’s Racingb*tch SHORT CUTS: The iGai, Damian Lane and something stinks about WA racing

  1. Alix Fownes says:

    Lmao

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